The one thing you'll never forget/forgive? - Overbearing MILs | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

Sorry to hear that happened to you. Hugs.

Two things for me:

When we first got engaged, she meant to send a text talking crap about me to her sister and accidentally sent it to me.

Secondly, when I had my first, I had asked everyone not to kiss the baby’s face. LO was 1 month old and we were celebrating MIL bday. I went to the bathroom while MIL was holding her. Later that night, she posted a picture on FB of her kissing LO on the lips. When I called her out, she laughed and said “it’s ok it’s not a big deal”. Haven’t trusted her since

I would say forget because I try my vest to forgive.

Relationship - Built absolutely no relationship with me, (respectfully I only knew her for 1 month dating, 1 month fiancée, 1 month married, then 1 month later got pregnant. my husband and i knew each other for 3 years pretry much, but i never got to really meet them, as my husband and i were bad teens and they were pastor/elders and so they did not like me.) but as soon as she found out I was pregnant (also first grandchild on both sides) almost tried to force a daughter/mother relationship and I was very stressed out because everything felt overly forced and to rushed... would get upset over everything with me and how I chose to handle my business.

Wedding - being catered around to her and her family and their church. I wanted what I wanted but my Ils were upset because I didn't add their daughter on my bridesmaids (I only wanted my friends) and I picked some music that wasn't even bad mind you, she threw in all her own songs. the one song I requested to walk down the aisle with music to they only used a keyboard.

Pregnancy - STAYED in my business the whole time. Caused me a TON is stress. kept telling my husband what he should do about me and how he should go about things (literally to the point when it was snowing would tell me she had a miscarriage because she slipped and fell on some ice and my husband banned me from going outside.) . Said I was selfish for wanting boundaries and only wanting my mom there for me during my labor and delivery and early postpartum. Kept trying to control my eating and habits. Etc

Baby Shower - I asked for a very particular theme and requests, and she pretty much did her own thing. I would tell her my preferences and what I did and didn't like and what I really wanted. still ended up doing her own thing and then told me, "I've never done things like this. This is my first time doing parties, especially a baby shower." Mind you, she celebrates EVERYTHING. EVERY, SINGLE, THING. has big parties and will even celebrate an entire weekend for huge life milestones. etc. Even trying to host my babies first birthday and told me I needed to celebrate every birthday. my family doesn't do that. Also, I wanted a SMALL baby shower that consisted of my closer friends and family. she invited a TON of people and then after my husband saw I was extremely upset told me "I said she could." (no, he didn't)

Labor and Delivery - Recorded me when I was pushing with my backside towards everyone and then lied and said she didn't (later confessed and deleted the video). Took my baby (didn't get to have a golden hour or spend more than 15 minutes with my baby after i pushed her out...literally 15 minutes they took my baby to do test, she eas still in the same room, but still...only 15 minutes...) and passed her around 45 minutes after giving birth. invited EVERYONE from the waiting room into the delivery room to hold her and see her (again, 45 minutes AFTER I gave birth. meaning my baby is 45 minutes old), and I had a panic attack on the bed because I just wanted my baby back. Also, I found out my 2 BILs who were not there were SICK and were around her (they do this all the time even now). I requested no photos, and everyone still took photos anyway. etc.

Postpartum - Constantly wanted us to hang out, like 5-6 days a week. Kept trying to overstep my boundaries or requests (still does sometimes) and trying to tell my baby how she should behave with family. but then says she would never and had never done that with her own children. She told me she never allowed anyone to bribe them into anything but tells my Sibling ILs to bribe her to spend time with them. no. Caused a lot of stress because she kept impeding boundaries or trying to guilt trip hubby. Angry, we weren't spending every holiday or event with them because I have a family too...

Respectfully, she has changed and grown a lot, but...she still has her quirks. ♡ I have a better relationship with her now, but it's just a lot (and more I haven't even mentioned) that has happened that I just will never forget no matter how many lifetimes I forgive...♡

Can't forget:

the video my fil made of my less then a week newborn narrating her thought, having her say mommy was unable to feed her and she was going to die if she couldn't find a way to survive. Sent this video to whole extended family and no one said anything. I was heartbroken and embarrassed, felt like a failure and they were making a joke of it when I just had an emergency c section.

How my mil called my mom and tried to lie, tried to tell my mom she failed my daughter bc they didn't get me mental help and tried to excise her behavior. My mom hung up on her after saying she knew what she had done.

How my fil yelled and swore at me days after having baby. He made a mistake but didn't admit that or apologize. I was told by mil he was just passionate and talking with urgency.

How my mil and fil wrote me a nasty rude email lying and ripping me apart, trying to emotionally manipulate my husband

How they treated me month before wedding day when they invited us over for dinner just to yell at me and pressure me ( aka bully)

How they treated us right after wedding when hubby quit his job. They called him a loser and worthless and told me to divorce him. Said they hoped I wasn't pregnant ( I wasn't yet) and then while I was crying, mocked me for not ordering alcohol and not being able to eat.

How mil lied about having cancer

Forgive- at least I don't think I can as of now:

How mil tried to convince hubby i was mentally unfit and unstable and she needed to take my daughter

How fil threatened suing us for custody and grand parent rights, and so much more/ How mil emailed hubby a step by step dialog to have in family counseling to paint me as crazy. She said they could erase me and get me committed. They'd find him a new wife.

How they said my baby would be deformed bc I had to have a c section, and that the c section was bc of my age. Essentially, i shouldn't bring children into this world and to do so was bc I was foolish and stupid.

So so so much more if I wanted to go down that memory road.

MIL:

had everyone she knew (her husband, mother, step kids, etc) send DH a text about how i was so controlling/evil and that LO (a 4 day old) would grow up to hate us for “keeping” MIL from her. i was having bleeding problems and on bedrest (she was fully aware). she demanded we drive 2 hours to her house to play pass the baby for facebook photos. she told DH that she could do anything i could and that “mothers aren’t more important than grandmas”. she demanded DH bring LO alone and that MIL will take care of her. she got everyone to spam him my first week postpartum (while struggling mentally and medically) that we were “robbing her of her grandma experience. this was equally about her”. everyone told us we were evil for not celebrating her and making this a good experience for her. told me to enjoy being fat the rest of my life at my baby shower and laughed in my face when i cried

GMIL (FILs mom):

threatened to call CPS (while i was 5 months pregnant) because we planned on vaccinating LO. threatened to have me induced because she wanted “the family baby” to be born 3 weeks before my due date. she straight up told her daughter (DHs aunt) that she hopes i die or we get divorced so she can “have access to HER grandbaby” (great grandchild). when she found out i was pregnant she told DH (my literal husband) to get a paternity test and that i was a ***. she would “let us know if or when she wanted to see IT”. a month before i gave birth she wanted her every expectation and wanted to have her great grandma fantasy (while openly hating me for “stealing” DH). she threatened grandparents rights (she’s a great grandparent) because she wouldn’t be in the delivery room.

I'm still pretty mad about it.

my mil tried to convince Dh to get a vasectomy behind my back after I had my second. she knew we wanted more kids. her mil convinced Dh's father to get one behind her back, which was one of the bigger reasons for their divorce.

I'm almost 6 months along with my third, and none of my in-laws know.

So I lost my first baby at around 11 weeks. I mentioned that I wanted to get a tattoo of what would have been the due date & birth month flower, and MIL offered to pay for it as a gift to me. DH & I thought it was sweet & accepted. The entire time I was being tattooed she was bragging about her 3 year old grandchild (our nephew) & how well he’s growing, how funny he is, his little quirks, etc. I kinda chuckled and just tried to keep composure/not ball my eyes out. Tattoo artist was kind & handled it very well!! But then as my tattoo was done and I was getting up, she sat in the chair and asked for one of the flower buds from the birth month flower I got on my arm to be tattooed on her arm as well. The artist looked at me & I was just in shock. She insisted to get it next to other grandchild’s name, & since it was so small, I just kept quiet.

It’s not a huge deal, but it felt like I needed to do this to remember my baby & she took that moment from me. Husband was pissed when she showed him…

Now I’m pregnant with our rainbow baby & she tried getting a tattoo of his name next to the other names on her arm. We said no, we’re not okay with that. She asked if she could just do initials then, we said no, that counts as his name. So she went and got a symbol she liked to represent him instead. ����‍♀️

Things I’ll never forget… while not that bad by comparison to other posters’ comments above:

Upon seeing me for the first time postpartum (5 weeks), FIL’s first words to me, “oh look, the belly went down a little bit!” I was still severely swollen, having a very rough recovery, and I didn’t love that the first thing he felt was appropriate to say to me was about my postpartum body. He knows I’ve always struggled with my weight and am in recovery for an ED and he has weight issues, too, so it felt especially betraying and hurtful at the time.

For MIL, I’ll never forget the sneaky kisses with eye contact in the beginning after we reiterated our no kissing rule multiple times. And her uncomfortably over-the-top, over-eager, cringy reaction (huge grin and rubbing her hands together) to the *idea* of watching my daughter overnight while listening to a work call I was on (I work from home and MIL used to come “help” once a week until we ended that) with my manager where we were discussing whether or not I’d be attending a work conference out of state in a few months from then. I told him what happened and he has kids, so I explained I didn’t feel ready to leave my LO yet and he was totally cool with me missing it that year.

My thing is not necessarily about pregnancy or babies, well, it is about my babies.

A few years ago we drove to our hometown where both sets of our parents still lived at the time. We normally stayed at my parents house because it just made sense, and our dogs were more comfortable there as they’d both lived there in the past. It’s also where my husband and I spent most of our time while we dated before getting married. It just made sense.

However, my in laws house was on the way to my parents house so we would stop and quickly have our dogs in their backyard. We weren’t super comfortable with it, as they had their own massive dog (over 150lbs) and we didn’t want him near our dogs. It was communicated very seriously. Monk has to stay inside.

All was fine and dandy until my mother in law went inside and then LET THEIR DOG OUTSIDE to run straight to one of our dogs who is more reactive towards new dogs. Me and my husband immediately ran to try and stop the inevitable fight. Their dogs mouth was on my dogs neck. Only

my husband and I were breaking it up. I weighing less than the dog had a hard time getting him off of my dog. My mother in law and father in law both just watched. We finally got their dog off of ours and luckily our dog didn’t have any injuries and he ran it off, but they both laughed it off like it was nothing.

It wasn’t nothing to me.

Ever since that event I absolutely refuse to stop there with my dogs. I refuse to be cordial with their dog. I refuse to humor their “this is the best dog ever” comments. It’s the most ridiculous ***, pardon my language, to ever say to my face.

They both still make comments about us staying at their house (my family has left town) and it’s a surefire NO from me for the rest of my life. My mother in law specifically is noticeably annoyed that we choose to stay at Airbnb’s instead of their home.

I don’t even care if we ever visit and our dogs aren’t with us. It wasn’t just an accident. It was carelessness. It would happen again, regardless if it’s concerning a dog or our children. Whether it involves their dog and something completely different. They disrespected our wishes.

I will never forgive or forget.